I made this realization the other day that a lot of my energy is aimed toward the actions within my head. The other day while watching basketball with my roommate, I couldn't stop bringing up how horrible I felt mentally and what actions I needed to take to get rid of the horrible feeling. In the back of my mind I could sense how annoying I was being, bringing up how I wanted to kill myself every five minutes, knowing that watching this basketball game wasn't just an action I was doing but an action my roommate and I were doing together. Every once in a while I was able to settle myself. I realized that there was no getting rid of the feeling- it has always existed in my from time to time. At this point I should know better than to try and fix it. I knew that what I needed to do was just let my head be a mess and focus outwardly. But for some reason I felt so in need of having clear and positive thoughts. The mental work I was doing to recognize my anguish and then continue to focus on it, through my vocalization to my roommate about it, was keeping my brain and my thoughts as the center of the space. When the real center of the space should have been the Timberwolves game on TV that we agreed to watch together in my room. We rarely watch TV in my room, it was a special occasion that should be appreciated for its rarity but insted I put myself as the center of attention. Of course I'm not saying you should ignore your emotions. I just mean it is important to understand that your emotions and your brain are only one facter in the entire room you sit in, especially when other people are involved. The sounds from the birds outside are just as real as your emotions, the basketball game on the TV is just as real as your emotions, the person who agreed to be in the same space as you and all their inner workings are as real as your emotions. There are so many factors in every space you enter, It is easy to forget how little a role your thoughts and emotions play in its significance. The other people in this room experience whatever you express about yourself and are impacted in the same real way you impact yourself.